Dreams unveil your true self

Here is mine

I am seriously feverish for the first time in recent years. For me it is a beautiful feeling of frailty, enhanced by the fact of being home alone . I lie down covering myself  with all the blankets I have. I close my eyes and start dreaming. 

The dream sees me on a rugby pitch, my favorite team sport, but I'm benched off the field. The end of the first half is approaching and my team has the shirt of Scotland, my favorite national team just because they are eternally losers and we are very young, probably in our twenties. The coach beckons me to enter, I light up and ask him in what role. 

While he briefs me, the first half ends without me being able to enter. The second half begins and the coach, with whom there is clearly a mutual dislike, has second thoughts. I point out to him that he has kept me on the bench for a long time and has not seen me play in a long while. He finds excuses and a nervousness builds inside myself which I first hold back, but then let it all out. I wake up agitated, nervous, I am even panting because of the  anger. Then I deliberately shut my eyes and resume the dream that , with willpower,  I can lead as I want. Because don't I bear grudges,  so how does it end? Well, the coach lets me in at the last minute. I fetch the ball, run the whole field avoiding the tackles of the other team and I score the goal, that of victory. A nice guy would just enjoy the fact. But I don't. I approach the coach and blatantly make fun of him. He swears I won't play anymore but then again, who cares.

That's who I am without Manu. Had she been on the sidelines watching, my superego, the insults to the coach, I would have avoided them and I would have come out of it with class. But without her I'm just like that, a d*** head.  

m.m.